a first, or maybe not?

Tonight we had another dinner and worship. Amanda made white chili and brought tortilla chips. Mmmm. It was really filling. Mina was a beast most of the night. Delightful. We sang some songs-Take My Hand, Precious Lord, Holy Is The Lord (a song we learned at Greg and Kathryn's house church), and a new song that Tony wrote called You Don't See (The Ugliness In Me). Amanda played the djembe for us. I tried the tambourine and the banana shaker. I get so nervous singing. Which makes me salivate and then I have to find time to swallow spit and to breathe. It is nerve wracking. And that's just in front of Tony. Or even if I think about singing in front of people I get that way.

Tonight we talked about two resurrections, having "life" and sinning against the holy spirit if you have life, and the holy city. We also gave ideas of how to help people like with Project Compassion, who help feed the needy, and Tony knows a lady who has a house nurse and a teenage daughter. He met here while going in service with JW's. He goes to see her every once in a while. Her nurse told Tony that the lady needs her home weather proofed, which he looked into getting it set up through the state for her. It will take 9 months. Until then, since winter is coming, we're thinking of going over to weather strip her windows. Amanda said she is going to plan on helping a friends parents, the dad has cancer pretty bad, and they are spending all of their energy with that. So she wants to help through the week with laundry and stuff. It's important to show people the love of Jesus, even if they're Christians, or not. Without any expectations, just to love.

Tony has been saying how he doesn't want to be the leader of the house church. I think it's important to have a person who will sort of make the first move, just to give it order, but otherwise, for everyone to have an equal share if so moved to. I'd rather a man "take the lead" if he is spiritually moved to, but really only if things were to get out of hand somehow, which I sincerely doubt will happen. So, he has been telling us that he doesn't want to always be the one praying, but I feel uncomfortable praying in front of him because not only is he a brother, but he is also more spiritual than me and he is intelligent. Tonight he said why don't we say a prayer and each of us can give thanks for a couple things and then he'll end the prayer. So we agreed, me hesitantly out of embarrassment. Tony started and ended the prayer but Amanda and I did a small in between thank you. It was different and mostly I worry that I will always pray for the same things each time and be repetitive. I thought this was the first time I ever prayed out loud in front of Tony since it was always "wrong" to do that, so I thought. But I was thinking back to a time when Tony was going through a really rough time about 5 years back and I was so desperate for help that I was going to pray over him out loud. I honestly can't remember if I did or not. I wonder if he remembers. Probably not. He doesn't remember anything. I think I remember thinking, or him telling me, that I have to have a head covering to do that. Then me thinking that it can't be that important for me to go find something in such a moment.

It was a very nice night, despite Mina's attitude. We also watched a house church video and a silly video of small commercial like skits about church and why it's stupid, called "The Church You Know". Pretty funny.